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[03 May 2005|06:40pm] |
It's time for another rap and this one wont be mean
everybody holla' cause Taryns seventeen!
she was walkin down the hall carryin' her cake
when I realized this wasn't just another day
this is the day when that little blondie was born
the day her mama's vag was practically torn
17 years ago taryn breathed her first breath
now look at her today..she's nearly growing breasts
she's grown so much... she's even got a boyfriend now
it can't be her brains or her looks so I'm not quite sure how? ( a joke)
perhaps her and mike will go " all the way"
and it will inspire our football team to win a game someday. ( another joke)
other than that,
I hope she won't get fat,
I heard Mike feeds her papa johns while she lets him stroke her cat ( prr )
did I mention that Taryn is the blondest girl I know
with a sn like " hahawaitwhat?" you'd think that it would show
she's so blonde I bet she thinks taco bell is a company for your phone
and studies for blood tests when she's all alone
she's blonde enough to alphabetize a pack of m & m's
and every time she takes a picture she has a closed camera lens
did I mention she's barely 5'1 inches tall ?
minus a few inches and she'd be legal midget small
but....I don't mean to bag
I wrote this rap to brag
Taryn is one of the best friends that you'll ever have ( in bed )
so sit back, relax or give this girl a kiss
Blow out your candles Taryn
and make your birthday wish!!!!
HAPPY SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY TARYN RAE SHAPEN!!!
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[06 Apr 2005|09:09pm] |
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You are my favorite ingrediant.
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[12 Mar 2005|10:45am] |
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I often think about what went wrong that made you so ill fated
The lovers you once held so close all end up wrong and hated
Your choosing is a huge aspect, but I fear it is not the flaw
I think it lies internally, still pink,sore, and raw
In fact,it's so deep inside that you have no idea it's there
The malignant tumor is getting bigger and you don't even care
It's taking over all of you, I see glimpses in your eyes
Another wrong decision and you feed it when it cries
It's growing up inside you now, you're 16 years along
When are you expecting?
--Rather, when have you not been expecting ? I asked the question wrong.
It's in-bedded so deep within that the expulsion will take your life
You must have known, when it was first grown, that would be the sacrifice
Its first breath will be your last and born is the truth you conceal
That night they removed the biggest heart in the world, but it was made of steel.
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[10 Mar 2005|06:13pm] |
memory- The mental faculty of retaining and recalling past experience.
Let 'em role:
Dear ________,
I sat alone in a white room this time. It was white everywhere except for my chair which was cream leather and allowed for me to sprawl across it with my legs hanging over the sides. I didn't have my blanket with me so, I had to think about you for comfort once again. This was the second time that you were used to pacify my fears.Your image in my head, when I use it correctly, can almost compensate for your lack of presence and serve as a mental blanket.
The first time I used you as my mental blankie was when I cried on the airplane and the moment we were about to take off it came to me as naturally as praying to god...and well I guess I started praying to you. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't even come close to mixing in any religious mumbo jumbo nor did I conclude with anything close to an amen, I simply thought about you and said to my self ..."_________, please make everything be okay." And when the plane landed safely I knew it had been you, (actually it could have been a number of other things such as no terrorists on board or no birds getting sucked into the engines..etc.) but in my mind it was you, the mental blankie, who had made everything okay.
So, today as I lay sprawled across the cream leather chair in the plain white room with the rain coming down hard and the reality of this all coming down harder, I realized that I had done it again. I had medicated a not-so-perfect-day with the thought of you. At first, I must admit, I did not even realize I was doing it. I was laying there with my eyes closed and my lips smiling, just a little smile, as if sleep-smiling was a perfectly normal thing to do. It wasn't until someone or something woke me that I realized I, was lying there, on the cream leather chair, in the white room, and I was thinking about you and I was smiling. I was sleep-smiling because I was thinking about you and you were making everything that went wrong better in that mental blankie way you have seemed to master so greatly.
What really was starting to baffle me was, I couldn't quite pinpoint the qualifications of your state of being my mental blankie. But, after much thought, I have come to the conclusion that your state of being Kai's Mental Blankie lies squarely in 4 main reasons:
a. Your eyes are comforting and make me feel better.
b. Your hands are really quite large and make me feel safe.
c. Mental Blankies obviously have to make you happy and you make me happy.
d. If you were not my mental blankie, there would be no one else who could qualify for such a hard job. ( unless you count someone like my mom, but I guarantee she is not quite blankie material and ...her hands are small anyway)
Thus, my darling, I will get to the point of my writing all this blankie-ish nonsense. I realized that what I am doing truly is not fair and that I can no longer use you as my mental blankie without you even knowing that you are one, but I am willing to compromise here. I am willing to exchange myself as a mental blankie for yourself as a mental blankie. I am not even sure if you think that is a fair deal or if you even need someone like me since you are so manly and all, but I thought I might as well offer.
Sincerely,
Kai
P.S. : If you do not want my blankie services, I will be using yours anyway.
I wrote that when I came home from the Dominican Republic. When I cared about what you were doing on New Years. When kissing you didn't seem so far away. Now I'm lying on the floor of my room, hair all wet, staring at the wall, thinking about how much I hate you , but actually don't hate you at all. You wanted to know why I just turned and walked away? Well, it was mostly because it was too hard for me to look at you and know that it's all gone. Rather, we're all gone.
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[17 Feb 2005|11:43pm] |
I can't stand thinking about you kissing someone else.
efff.
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[23 Jan 2005|12:29pm] |
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mood |
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coldplay |
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Dear __________,
So basically, my life is a disaster right now. Someone I know would probably say I am just whining and I probably am, but I don't care because people who are having breakdowns don't usually care if they are being a whiner. I am going to write down everything that bothers me because that is what I feel like doing. I don't like birds. I don't like that I have birds in my house and they are squawking. I don't like that i don't understand mandatos and Senora Blount is really not a good mandato teacher and even if she was I wouldn't like her anyway. I don't like that my mom is telling me to go running because that will make me happy because I know that running will not make me happy and that it on the contrary will just make me tired...and I already am tired without running. I don't like that I really should be going back to dance but dance is on Saturdays and I usually choose to go out on Friday nights rather than coming home to go to dance in the morning. I don't like that my house is still being redone and everything is dusty. I don't like dust either. I don't like that my room is a mess and that I find it very hard to study in messy conditions. I don't like that I am not even close to motivated to study for finals or clean my room or go running or start dance again ...actually I am not really motivated to do anything. I don't like math.I don't like finals. And you, someone who has the ability to make me happy is not quite doing so. In fact, you are making me sad. So, I guess I don't like you either right now. I don't like that all I feel like eating is cereal and my mom keeps bringing me up food that is not cereal. And I don't like that my dad keeps calling and reminding me to take my medicine (antibiotics for my cold). Actually... I probably should not be sitting here writing all of this stuff down that I don't like because that would be a childish thing to do. I guess that means I am going to go grow up and try to fix all the things I just whined about.
Love,
Kai
P.S. This whole mess of whining did actually make me feel a lot better.
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[11 Jan 2005|09:49pm] |
waaaaaaaaaaa i'm a big baby and i'm having a tantrum!!!!!!
you are so lame.
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[09 Jan 2005|08:30pm] |
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maybe they were right, but i don't want them to be.
fix this.
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[05 Dec 2004|09:53pm] |
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And in the darkness of it all, and how lost everything is right now, you haven't left my mind for a moment. And we are always in this room where every wall is green and you and I are black and white. And the moment you push me against the green wall and kiss me I know everything will be okay and that our black and whiteness won't last long because I tend to turn pink when you kiss me. And my arms are around your neck and you are giving me that look which above all things is the reason I am drawn to you. And as I reach to put my hand on your cheek the coldness of the green wall allows me to remember that I am just dreaming. And dreams only last so long.
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[15 Nov 2004|07:15pm] |
O-
I've realized why I don't like going to LA anymore. It's because he is not in LA, he is here.
I need to get over him and get over this. I've already wasted a year on him.
Hello city lights and city boys.
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| EXCITEDD!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[07 Oct 2004|05:03pm] |
I AM 16 ON SATURDAY !!!!!!!!
I'M GROWING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( / :)
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[02 Oct 2004|09:22am] |
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7 DAYS UNTIL I AM 16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! agh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| sweety, |
[20 Sep 2004|08:56pm] |
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It's only now that I've really come to realize that you are no longer the person I fell in love with. You've changed so much in the past year I fear you are hardly recognizable. I wish for you that time could rewind and you could watch your life dwindle in my eyes. I wish you could replay everything you've gone through and take most of it back. I'm so scared of who you have become and the fact that you now choose to associate with people who live their entire pathetic lives on bringing other people down; people with self esteem so low that they gain height by pushing others beneath them.And I can't help but think that you now are one of those people. But then maybe I am just trying to change you. Maybe it's that I've built you up to be something so incredible in my mind that I've forgotten who you are. Or perhaps worst of all, I never knew you in the first place. Regardless, I feel as if you're gone. Everything I fell in love with is gone. You are dead to me.
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[01 Sep 2004|12:14am] |
no triviaxx: wasssup
UssiKannaWI: cleaning my room for school
no triviaxx: HAHAHAHHA
UssiKannaWI: pshh
no triviaxx: who cleans their room for school?
no triviaxx: ffreaakoo
THE BED AREA BEFORE
( AFTER! )
AREN'T YOU PROUD OF ME!?!?
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[27 Aug 2004|04:05pm] |
SCHEDULE!!!!
1 Novack
2 Blount
3 Nathanson
4 Dupuy
5 Camacho
6 Ables
comment if we have anything together.
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[16 Aug 2004|04:13am] |
"You're beautiful," he said, voice thick with alcohol.
"Thanks."
"No. I mean it."
"So do I."
He ran one calloused fingertip down the side of my face.
"I could really get into knowing you," he murmered, and looked deep into my eyes.
Deep.
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[27 Jul 2004|08:06pm] |
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Why do I give you the power to destroy me and then just sit there and watch it happen?
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